Apr
06

My Trip to the Polls Last November

Cars,Illegal Acts | Monday April 6 2009 11:43 pm | Comments (0) Tags: , , , , , ,

Those who know me know that I’m a very impatient person and that having to wait in line drives me nuts. It is the main reason why I refuse to go food shopping: people are way to slow with their carts and then you wait in line and the person at the register moves your products at the speed of a 400 lb turtle. Afterward you get to the bagger who cant seem to put the products in the bag correctly or promptly due to being mentally challenged! Not that there is anything wrong with that, I am all for the fact that Publix employs challenged people, however I’m just too impatient to deal with it, so I make others food shop for me. Anyway, before I go off on a rant of being impatient how about you all just take my word for it.

Here’s a play-by-play of my experience trying to vote on election day: I get to the polls at around 9:00 a.m., no doubt still drunk from the night before, or at the very least with a massive hang over and back ache from sleeping on a lazy boy chair with whatever her name was. The line was long to say the least. There was no way in hell I was waiting in it, but there was also no way in hell I was going to come all the way back out to vote later. I was clearly in the wrong place and very obviously stood out like a cotton ball in a sea of color. The voters were clearly not voting for my choice and the line was way too long, so I devised a plan to skip the line.

As I looked around, I saw that the poll workers all had on ID badges attached to lanyards around their necks. I thought PERFECT, my CCW permit is attached to a lanyard in my car and it looks like a government ID!  For those out of the loop, a CCW is a concealed weapons permit. Yes, the lizard carries a gun! Read the rest »


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Feb
04

A Lime Green Lambo and A Red Lazer Dot

Several years ago we had this guy who bought two cars a month from our dealership. Two cars per month, every month and sent them right over to the rim shop to get rims and sound systems. Then a month later, he traded the cars in for two other ones. Each time it was cold hard C A S H!

He was a big big Italian fellow who happened to carry a LV or Gucci man-bag around. In the bag was always a huge wad of cash and a gun. Well, I was the only person brave or stupid enough to constantly make fun of him about his man-bag. I made fun of him so much that he grew to like me and ultimately decided to his buy cars from me instead of the other sales guy.

Well, let me just tell you how hard (let’s call him John) John was to deal with. If he wanted a car, you had better be sure you had it, and if you didn’t, you better get it before he shows up or a scream-fest Read the rest »


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Go on, make yourself happy - have an affair!