For those of you who have been following along, this post is a continuation of Stephanie and Motivational Juice

The next morning Nick called to explain what had happened. I scared the shit out of her with my gun and she liked me and “didn’t want to move too fast with me.” GREAT I get the party favor to fall in love so she wants to take it slow. Nick also informed me that he had a surprise coming from California for me, a porn star we will call Jersey. Now I was all set to turn the negative into a positive. I thought great, Stephanie loves me, I can at least score a three some out of this. The First moment I met Jersey we clicked. I picked her up from the airport with Stephanie riding shotgun. Had Stephanie not been there, I would have taken Jersey in the back seat of my car in the airport parking lot. From the moment Jersey got into the car I sensed tension with Stephanie, but I didn’t quite realize why. Later that night back at Nick’s house, I sensed that Stephanie did not like me talking to Jersey so I decided to split them up — Jersey on the patio and Stephanie on the couch. I split my time evenly between the two. I sat inside and played around with Stephanie and then I sat outside and played around with Jersey. I decided that Jersey was the one that I wanted and I was going in for the kill when she stopped me and said “I would love to **** you but Stephanie said I can’t and that she really likes you.” So now I’m sitting here with the only loyal porn star on the face of the earth who I am dieing to **** and fifteen feet from me is a porn star so in love that she wants to take it slow with a guy that doesn’t even like her! I decided to drink my problems away and come up with a new plan.

I don’t remember the plan, but what I do remember about that night is when Jersey slapped on Pink Boxing gloves and I got up to let her take a swing. Nick got out the HD cam and started rolling. I permitted her to take a swing thinking she would hit me in the arm and it would be a girly punch. Little did I know she straight out mike Tyson smacked me in the face. My lip immediately started to hemorrhage blood. I didn’t feel much though as alcohol tends to block pain. I am not to sure what happened after that, but I think I decided that after not only striking out with two porn stars but also being punch in the face by one, it was time to call it a night.

The next day we all decided to go bowling. Stephanie brought a date, no doubt to try and make me jealous which would never work…because I didn’t like her, and I straight up don’t care. I was the happiest man on earth, she had a date so I was free to have sex with Jersey. Bowling is a license to drink and act like a moron (my specialties) so that is just what I did. Stephanie’s date was not to happy with the way I was acting and Stephanie was pissed that I was hitting on Jersey. Additionally, Jersey was pissed because she still wasn’t allowed to **** me as Stephanie took her to the bathroom to let her know the rules were still in place. Meanwhile, Nick just sat and watched the saga unfold.

I decided this was going nowhere and there was a cute girl in very short white shorts was bowling next to us. Now when I see an ass I like, I make a little chomp noise with my teeth. When my motivational juice is flowing through my system, I cant help it; I like to bite ass regardless if I know the girl or not. I started to make my way over to introduce myself to the young lady and let her know that I would like to bite her ass. Nick knew instantly what I was about to do and tried to stop me. “She is with like six guys Lizard, don’t be a moron.” I don’t care, I want to bite some ass. Nick knew that there was no stopping me so he begged. The begging did not work and I proceeded to say very loudly CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP I WANT TO BITE SOME ASS.

The guys she was with knew I was talking about her, she knew I was talking about her, the porn stars we were with knew I was talking about her, but nobody did anything about it. We wrapped the night up surprisingly without incident and the next morning Jersey was on her way back to California. I hated Stephanie so much for not letting Jersey have sex with me that we never spoke again. Even today when I go to Nick’s house I still sense tension between us. I am deeply upset when I sit alone thinking I am going to die having been the only man (other than Nick— for good reason) that met Stephanie and did not have sex with her. It is a sad thought for The Lizard to say the least!