For those of you who have been following along, this post is a continuation of Stephanie and Motivational Juice

The next morning Nick called to explain what had happened. I scared the shit out of her with my gun and she liked me and “didn’t want to move too fast with me.” GREAT I get the party favor to fall in love so she wants to take it slow. Nick also informed me that he had a surprise coming from California for me, a porn star we will call Jersey. Now I was all set to turn the negative into a positive. I thought great, Stephanie loves me, I can at least score a three some out of this. The First moment I met Jersey we clicked. I picked her up from the airport with Stephanie riding shotgun. Had Stephanie not been there, I would have taken Jersey in the back seat of my car in the airport parking lot. From the moment Jersey got into the car I sensed tension with Stephanie, but I didn’t quite realize why. Later that night back at Nick’s house, I sensed that Stephanie did not like me talking to Jersey so I decided to split them up — Jersey on the patio and Stephanie on the couch. I split my time evenly between the two. I sat inside and played around with Stephanie and then I sat outside and played around with Jersey. I decided that Jersey was the one that I wanted and I was going in for the kill when she stopped me and said “I would love to **** you but Stephanie said I can’t and that she really likes you.” So now I’m sitting here with the only loyal porn star on the face of the earth who I am dieing to **** and fifteen feet from me is a porn star so in love that she wants to take it slow with a guy that doesn’t even like her! I decided to drink my problems away and come up with a new plan.

I don’t remember the plan, but what I do remember about that night is when Jersey slapped on Pink Boxing gloves and I got up to let her take a swing. Nick got out the HD cam and started rolling. I permitted her to take a swing thinking she would hit me in the arm and it would be a girly punch. Little did I know she straight out mike Tyson smacked me in the face. My lip immediately started to hemorrhage blood. I didn’t feel much though as alcohol tends to block pain. I am not to sure what happened after that, but I think I decided that after not only striking out with two porn stars but also being punch in the face by one, it was time to call it a night.

The next day we all decided to go bowling. Stephanie brought a date, no doubt to try and make me jealous which would never work…because I didn’t like her, and I straight up don’t care. I was the happiest man on earth, she had a date so I was free to have sex with Jersey. Bowling is a license to drink and act like a moron (my specialties) so that is just what I did. Stephanie’s date was not to happy with the way I was acting and Stephanie was pissed that I was hitting on Jersey. Additionally, Jersey was pissed because she still wasn’t allowed to **** me as Stephanie took her to the bathroom to let her know the rules were still in place. Meanwhile, Nick just sat and watched the saga unfold.

I decided this was going nowhere and there was a cute girl in very short white shorts was bowling next to us. Now when I see an ass I like, I make a little chomp noise with my teeth. When my motivational juice is flowing through my system, I cant help it; I like to bite ass regardless if I know the girl or not. I started to make my way over to introduce myself to the young lady and let her know that I would like to bite her ass. Nick knew instantly what I was about to do and tried to stop me. “She is with like six guys Lizard, don’t be a moron.” I don’t care, I want to bite some ass. Nick knew that there was no stopping me so he begged. The begging did not work and I proceeded to say very loudly CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP I WANT TO BITE SOME ASS.

The guys she was with knew I was talking about her, she knew I was talking about her, the porn stars we were with knew I was talking about her, but nobody did anything about it. We wrapped the night up surprisingly without incident and the next morning Jersey was on her way back to California. I hated Stephanie so much for not letting Jersey have sex with me that we never spoke again. Even today when I go to Nick’s house I still sense tension between us. I am deeply upset when I sit alone thinking I am going to die having been the only man (other than Nick— for good reason) that met Stephanie and did not have sex with her. It is a sad thought for The Lizard to say the least!

It started a little over a year and a half ago when I first met Nick. He invited me over to his house to meet with his roommate, a very well-known porn star in Florida that we will call Stephanie. Nick has also coined her the nickname “Party Favor”, as you can pass her around like she is a party favor. The girl LOVES sex. I don’t know a single man that has met her (besides Nick) that hasn’t had sex with her. Bear in mind that it’s not Nick’s fault that he hasn’t had sex with Stephanie; his girlfriend lives with him as well and is best friends with her. If you have ever met Nick’s girlfriend, you would know that having sex with her best friend would be a quick shortcut to getting your dick cut off and thrown in the woods like John Bobbit.

Stephanie really isn’t my type of girl. It is a well known fact that I have not hooked up with a girl without fake boobs unless I was too drunk to realize the boobs were real. Even then, the boobs would have to be large enough to justify my drunken brain thinking they were fake. That being said, Stephanie does not have fake boobs or large boobs, but when a girl has had that much “fun” you have to at least give it run once or twice. That in addition to the peer pressure aspect, everyone else was doing it so why the hell not right?

So I walk into Nick’s house and see two things immediately: Stephanie and beer. My brain leads the way until I get drunk and then The JewC takes over the thinking. So I went to partake in some motivational juice, also known as beer. I think she half expected me to do what ever other guy does in her presence: pounce on her, **** her brains out every which way, and then get dressed and leave.

I think she took the fact I wanted to have a few drinks first as a sign of respect when it was really just a sign of alcoholism. The way I put down beers sheer excellence. If they made drinking a sport I would be like Mario Lemieux from the penguins: the owner, the player, and the coach! Anyway, in the hour I sat and drank with Stephanie I got absolutely plastered.

I did not initially intend to get plastered, I just planned to go to the house, have sex with Stephanie, and then leave. It was Nick’s fault for having beer in the fridge! I had my CCW on me at the time and when I went in for the kill started putting the moves on Stephanie, she felt it and asked what it was. As usual I was a bit too drunk and took her question to mean that she was interested in the weapon. Not realizing that she was actually scared shitless of it I pulled it out, removed the mag, unchambered the round, and handed it to her. Apparently she was terrified while I was too drunk and horny to have noticed.

When I sensed things were going South, I decided to bail out of there. I called Nick and expressed my disappointment, although I am not sure if he could understand my slurs. I know that now, after a year and a half of knowing him, he can understand my slurs just fine, but back then I don’t think he realized what I was capable of. I went home in defeat having been the only man Stephanie had ever turned down in her entire life.

This story is continued here: Stephanie and Beer become Jersey and Bowling

I quickly came up with what I thought was a marvelous idea…Viagra! I had never taken one, nor had the need, but I was told if you take one (and don’t actually need it) you get a hard-on that lasts forever. In my stupid mind, banging 3 girls all night and never losing wood was a sweet idea. I ran and got the Viagra, downed a shot, and got ready to have a wonderful porn star 4-some all night with the help of my magic blue pill.

So here it goes one girl naked holding the video camera, another girl stripping down on the side of my bed, and another girl with her mouth on the JewC aka Jewish Cock. My dick was so sensitive due to the Viagra that I didn’t last more then 20 seconds before the girl shot up with a shocked look on her face and a mouth full of JewCJuice. “Did you just cum?” she mumbled, to which I replied yes I think I did! The other girl hadn’t even gotten naked yet and my night was over. They tried to wake JewC back up, but he wouldn’t wake, he was dead and my spirit was broken.

The girls left to go home and I was left on my couch with a cock that didn’t work. I was actually worried it would never work again! I ordered a pizza and sat to think of how stupid I am. About 30 minutes later, I got in the car and drove to the pizza shop. The second I walked into the shop, the Viagra hit me and I was hard as a rock! I had no idea what to do, so I went about my business and rushed home. My hard-on lasted two and a half hours!

I think that day god was laughing at me. To give me three girls and a dick that didn’t work and then curse me with no girls and a dick that worked better then it ever did was a horrible joke. I have since learned that some men have a very sensitive reaction to Viagra and cannot use it because of that. I wish I had known that beforehand!