Feb
14

Giving Shoes Back on Valentine’s Day

Long story short, an ex that I had dated for 3 years and followed to college cheated on me with someone I thought was a friend. She had been living with me at the time and came to collect her stuff. She did not collect her shoes and on Valentines Day she called to ask for them back in a VERY rude manor saying she had to wear them on a date with my ex-friend…needless to say I did what any reasonable man would do:

First I got Some Supplies From My Supply Closet...

First I got Some Supplies From My Supply Closet...

Then I Chose The Appropriate Tool...

Then I Took Out Some Tools...

Followed By A Few More Tools...

Followed By A Few More Tools...

Going To Work With Tool #1

Going To Work With Tool #1

Making Some Final Adjustments With Tool #2

Making Some Final Adjustments With Tool #2

Inspecting My Handywork

Inspecting My Handiwork

Don’t forget to comment and show me some love on Valentine’s Day!

The Finished Product

The Finished Product


Use to email this story to a friend, post it on Facebook, or anything else you can think of.


Feb
08

Road Head Practice

When I was 16 I got my license and lost my virginity. To give you an idea of how truly epic me turning 16 actually was, I have to share with you a bit of my background. I grew up in a semi-large yet suburban city (if you can even call Broward county Florida suburban). My high school had around 4,500 kids in it. At 16, I was just about to enter the 9th grade as I was held back once in kindergarten and again when moving to FL from another state. So there I was, the only 16 year old in the 9th grade; the only 9th grader with a mother fucking car. Pussy was flying at me left and right.

That being said, I was de-virginized on the same day I got my car. Kind of Ironic since now at 23 I’m using Bentleys, Ferraris, and Lambos to get laid! Anyway, the story of me losing my virginity is yet another extremely funny and odd tale but I will save that for another day. This story pertains to road head! I was with this wonderful girl named Caroline. She was almost 5′ tall, had a nice set of tits, and an amazingly large ass. To this day she still has an amazing ass and an even better set of fake DD tits with a nipple ring to boot! She was basically my main girl for a while; she loved other girls so it worked out perfectly.

One day she asked if I had ever heard of road head; at that point in my life I had not heard of it, but I heard the word “head” and was very intrigued. When I was told what it entailed I decided that it was a theoretically perfect idea that I probably shouldn’t execute. At that point of my life I had already wrecked two cars that I personally owned and flipped a rented Range Rover end over end trying to go off-roading (yet another wonderful tale I will tell later). Given the circumstances, I figured it would be wise not to get behind the wheel with my cock out and Caroline between my legs trying to get every last ounce of her favorite man juice out of what we at the time called “BOB” (today we call it the JewC).

Depressed that I couldn’t partake in this new concept of Road Head, a light bulb went off in my head, something I recognize today as being a sign of a horrible Idea. I thought what if I could PRACTICE road head. I called Caroline and told her about my concept Read the rest »


Use to email this story to a friend, post it on Facebook, or anything else you can think of.

LifeLock Identity Theft Prevention - Save 10%

Jan
28

LV Lizard and PimpC Party for the First Time

Party Like a Rapper

One of my first pimp clients (before I actually knew pimps existed outside of the movies) was PimpC. Now Pimp C wasn’t the first pimp I saw in my store, but he was the first one that was my client. Let me tell you something, the weed smell on PimpC was the strongest smell you have ever smelled in your life. It was a constant smell; as he treated weed like it was legal. He’d just walked up and down the street puffin on the strongest weed that god let grow! PimpC had lived in Cali but had a nice penthouse in South Beach so PimpC got his weed FedExed to him from Cali. I kid you not, one time he cracked open the lid on a  tightly packaged box while in my office and and the smell stunk up my office for over a week. The shit was that strong!

Anyway, here’s the story about my first night out with PIMPC!
PimpC invited me out to go to very well known, high-end, hard to get into club with him. I of course didn’t know how exactly a pimp rolled and was a massive idiot who brought my girlfriend (at the time) with! Well we pull up and valet at his condo and ride the elevator to the top. Before we even got to the top floor you could start smelling the weed! The second the elevator doors opened, the weed smell and smoke rushed in making both me and my girlfriend cough (yes, that much weed) There was no furniture in the whole condo except for one couch. There were three women sitting on the couch in literally NOTHING; I mean butt naked! I immediately cursed myself for Read the rest »


Use to email this story to a friend, post it on Facebook, or anything else you can think of.

LifeLock Identity Theft Prevention - Save 10%

Jan
27

Crackers For Breakfast

Ex-Girlfriend,Religion,Women | Tuesday January 27 2009 2:20 am | Comments (2) Tags: , , ,

I went on vacation to Louisiana with a female friend of mine. I did it for a few reasons; one of which was to party my ass off on Bourbon street and the other was because she thought we were in a relationship and wanted me to meet her parents. She was good in bed so i had no choice. I knew she was a goodie two-shoes when we first got together, but I molded her into a perfect freak in the sheets. She warned me that her family was very religious but I didn’t think anything of it. We partied throughout the weekend and on Sunday morning I was awoken at 7:30am for church (after going to bed at 6). I begged and pleaded for sleep to no avail. I stated out of respect for my own religion (Judaism) that I shouldn’t have to go to church. She insisted that if I didn’t go it would crush her and disrespect her family, so I decided I’d go.

At the time I was into wild, Versace type shirts so I picked the least wild one, a zebra print silk shirt that screamed look at me and a pair of dress pants. I put on a tie that didn’t even come close to matching, but I was told I needed to wear one. I looked ridiculous, I was massively hung over, tired, and starving. The only thing that kept me awake Read the rest »


Use to email this story to a friend, post it on Facebook, or anything else you can think of.

Host Unlimited Domains on 1 Account